fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
