Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
