i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
