covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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