i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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