He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
