I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
