My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
