Cold hands, warm shart.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
