so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
