high people should be assigned attendants
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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