I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
