I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize