My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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