If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
