So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
