I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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