Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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