She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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