That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
