I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
