Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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