I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
