The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
