I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
