apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize