I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
