Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i've created a new STD.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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