She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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