Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
