bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
