So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
