her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
