Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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