In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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