If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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