Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
