Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
