I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
