i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
