I faked an abortion last night.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
