ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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