I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
