apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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