This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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