it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
