Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
