i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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