Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
