I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
