I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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