this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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