I just cut my nipple shaving
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
