There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
