Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
