Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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