do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
