i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
drinking out of a sandbucket again
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need water and some morals
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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