so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
