My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
