there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
