YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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