She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
