Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
