I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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