Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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