Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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