She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude i'm inner monologue high
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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