Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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