apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
