The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i permit you to call me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
