is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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