Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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