You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
