Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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