May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
