We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
