if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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