remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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