It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
