Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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