Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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