We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
