2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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