Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize