I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
