I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
